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Description= One-Liners (2):
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5 out of 4 people have trouble with statistics.
A seminar on Time Travel will be held 2 weeks ago
A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide.
AAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Alzheimer's advantage #25: New friends every day
Alzheimer's advantage #31: You can help plan your own surprise parties
Alzheimer's advantage #34: You can hide your own Easter eggs
Am I ignorant or apathetic? I don't know and don't care!
Apology: Politeness too late.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea.
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully?"
Criminal lawyer. Isn't that redundant?
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
Don't steal - the government hates competition.
Dyslexia: it can warn without striking!
Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid!
From the department of redundancy department.
Give and you might receive. Take and be sure of it.
Ground Beef: A cow with no legs.
Have you heard of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle? I'm not sure...
How do you make a Mac faster? Throw it harder!
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
I can never find the time to procrastinate.
I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
I forgot all about my Amnesia Anonymous meeting!
I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy folks?
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
If you can't laugh at yourself ... I'll do it for you.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Illiterate? Write for a free brochure...
I'm in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk
I'm multitasking... I read in the bathroom.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing.
I'm not picking my nose, I'm pointing to my brain.
I'm not schizophrenic, and neither am I.
I'm so broke I'm thinking about starting my own government...
Imaginary numbers: Umpteen and zillion.
In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
It is bad luck to be superstitious.
I've been meaning to start procrastinating for some time
I've met zucchini with more potential.
I've seen condom vending machines, but this one installs.
I've told you a million times--stop exaggerating!
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Jerk: what is found on both ends of fishing lines.
Life: a terminal, sexually transmitted disease.
Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...
Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
LSD: Virtual reality without all the expensive hardware
Marriage is the main cause for divorce.
Mosquito: Designed by God to make flies seem better.
Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
Not all men are fools, some are bachelors
Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
Originality is the art of concealing your source.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Psychic convention canceled due to unforeseen problems
Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
She kept saying I didn't listen to her, or something like that.
Shin - A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Stick \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang that doesn't work.
Synonym: word used when you can't spell the one you wanted
Tact: The unsaid part of what you are thinking.
The Apathy Anonymous meeting was canceled due to lack of interest.
The best defense against logic is stupidity.
The Procrastinator Ananymous meeting has been put off till next week.
To reformat a CD-ROM, use steel wool & heavy pressure
Tonight's forecast: Dark, followed by light.
Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again!
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee machines.
Virus check complete. All viruses functioning normally.
You are an example of why some animals eat their young.
You can tell a real programmer by the keyboard dents in his forehead
You can't teach people to be lazy-either they have it, or they don't.
You have mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
Young gorillas are friendly, but they soon learn.